Accomplished child psychologist Dr. Beth Grosshans retired from her private Princeton, New Jersey practice and now leads informative workshops and lectures on parenting, child development, and positive family dynamics. In her book Beyond Time Out: From Chaos to Calm, Dr. Beth Grosshans details several areas where family dynamics can become imbalanced, including during any decision-making process.Giving children too many or inappropriate choices is a common parenting mistake that can inadvertently cause anxiety in children and lead to disruptive behaviors. In a misguided attempt to promote independence, parents may give children the power to make a decision that is beyond their cognitive or emotional capacity. Also, parents may not be consistent with the types of choices a child can make, for example, allowing them to choose their dinner one night, but not the next. This can cause confusion for the child and result in boundary-testing behavior. Instead, parents should only offer a child a choice between two to three options for age-appropriate decisions. If a child cannot grasp the implications of the decision, then it should be left to the parents to decide. Some examples of age-appropriate decisions include a three year old choosing one of three sweaters to wear, or a 10 year old deciding between setting the table or washing the dishes.
Retired New Jersey-based child psychologist Beth Grosshans has more than two decades of experience. She has leveraged her extensive experience in the field to guide parents with Beyond Time Out, a parenting book that enlightens ineffective parenting approaches and provides guidance on reestablishing control. In this book, Beth Grosshans addresses issues resulting from parents exalting specialness in their kids and avoiding childhood disappointment.Feeling disappointed is unpleasant for people of all ages since it involves feelings of loss and discouragement. Naturally, you don’t want your child to experience negative emotions such as this, but as a result, you may do everything in your power to keep your child from experiencing this particular emotion. However, disappointment plays a major role in how children develop emotionally, socially, and intellectually. Without disappointment, children cannot develop the tools they need to handle life’s ups and downs as adults, nor can they develop the creative thinking, emotional resilience, and collaboration skills they could otherwise rely on during the rest of their childhood and adulthood.Instead of going out of your way to prevent disappointment in your kids, focus on teaching them how to cope with disappointment in a healthy way. To do this, you must first have a good attitude towards disappointment. Show children that disappointment is a normal part of life and that they can learn from feeling disappointed. It’s also important that you do not overpraise your children when they feel disappointed or save them from setbacks. Doing so is detrimental to children since these behaviors teach them to depend on praise for validation or to avoid trying new things.
